Yes, it’s been a while. The last month has been whirlwind to say the least – but it appears I say this every time. Prepping for presentations left and right, trying to smash out as much thesis writing as I can, prepping for the next set of experiments… You know the drill. It’s funny, I always find myself coming back to this blog as a way to reflect and recalibrate. There’s a saying that we all need ‘me’ time to understand and reconnect with ourselves better. Writing on this blog is my form of reconnecting with myself.
A lot has happened already, but the next few months will really test my mental capacity as I head into the last 6 months of my PhD. Can you believe it?
I have a love/hate relationship with being on the grind and hustling. I hate it, because I think I am inherently lazy. I am so good at doing absolutely nothing. When I am doing work, at times I catch myself daydreaming of lying on the couch and just existing, doing nothing. I would be the most boring person to watch as a star of The Truman Show. Unlike others, being proactive doesn’t come naturally to me. I have to expend a significant amount of energy to go against my inherent laziness to think of ways to be proactive.
On the flip side, I love hustling because it gives me purpose to my days. After much convincing from the SO I finally invested in a physical scheduler/diary to improve my time management. Before, I would solely rely on my iCal and always managed to forget something. Hate to say he’s right, but so far I love it. I love managing my days with tasks that I need to complete. Some days I give myself unrealistic goals for the day after which I always feel shit for not completing. But when I do? Much victory.
I don’t know if it’s an age thing, but I am also slowly becoming a morning person. If you knew me 5 years ago or back in high school this would be huge news. Everyone knew me as the one who would sleep at 1am the earliest, and wake up 10am the earliest. I loved my sleep ins, and believe me I still love a good 11am sleep in on a Saturday, but as I get older I am becoming more aware of 1) how valuable time is, and 2) how little I have of it. I mean, we’re already nearing the end of May. Which means we’re already nearly half way through 2017. Seriously? Seriously?!?!!? For this sole reason I have been willingly sleeping no later than 11pm, waking up at 6.30am and getting into work before 8am just so I can get an extra hour out of my day. I don’t know why but it just feels good to wake up before everyone else. The tram isn’t so packed, and the people that get on at that time just look more peaceful and serene. An early bird trait perhaps.
This next bit also ties in with the whole “me being proactive” and “there’s no time left” crisis, but lately I have also been more mindful of the amount of uselessness that I feed my brain. From those stupid memes, videos and BuzzFeed surveys on Facebook that we get sucked into doing (“Choose your ideal IKEA furniture and we’ll tell you when you will die!”) to the weird side of YouTube that we always manage to find ourselves in every once in a while – I got to a point where I started to get into the habit of asking myself: I have so little time to do the things I want today, this week, this month – is this really worth my time? 95% of the time I answer no. There are so many more useful things and information that we can feed our brains with and yet because of the social construct algorithms that social media enforces on us I feel like a lot of us have become blind to this. I want to make the most of the little time that I have, and while I can’t completely eradicate all of my guilty pleasures I have become more conscious about compartmentalising my time for those pleasures and using it as a positively enforcing ‘reward’, and not letting it bleed into my productivity.
Wow, this post became longer than I thought. That’s all I have for today.